As the time draws near for our family to enter full time ministry, I find myself fearing failure and doubting that I'm worthy of this calling. I'm finding myself tempted with things of the world like I never have been before.
I'm fearful that we won't be able to be happy on this new income. We won't be able to buy want we want, go when we want to go. We will have to budget. What is a budget? I want to be able to my kids name brand clothes when they want them like I always have. Will I still be able to do that?
I'm doubting that I'm worthy of this calling because I don't have that perfect path to getting here. I have a past and there are some things in it that I'm not proud of. I don't know that I'm good enough to be a pastor's wife!
But then I remember the lyrics to this song...
So take me as you find me
All of my fears and failures
And fill my life again
I give my life to follow
and I'm reminded that it's not what the world says that matters.
Word of God speaks.
1 Timothy 6:6-10 Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.
But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.
Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."
Okay, God. I trust you. I have never needed much to keep me happy. I have always been happy with shopping at the Goodwill and having the basics. I'm not sure why I'm panicking now but I'm putting those fears to rest and putting my trust in You!
Now to put to rest the doubts that I'm having over whether or not I'm good enough to be a pastor's wife. To my knowledge, there are no rules as to what path you have to take to become a pastor or a pastor's wife. It's a calling from God. Some people in ministry have walked that straight and narrow all of their lives. I haven't necessarily. I have a story. But more importantly I have a story of how Jesus changed my life! Without knowing that real change only comes when Jesus is at the center of your life, I couldn't do this. I wouldn't be a changed person.
But I am. And once again...
Word of God speaks.
Psalm 103:12 He has taken our sins away from us
as far as the east is from west.
When someone asks me how I know God is real, the first thing that comes to mind is peace that passes all understanding.
I have asked God to forgive me for what I did. He did. Those things are gone, done, erased. I'm a new person. I have peace in knowing that.
Ephesians 4:21-23 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
So when I'm drowning in my ocean of fear and doubt, I know that there is a life boat out there to rescue me from those thoughts. I'm so comforted by that!
2 comments:
Carrie, you will be great as a pastor's wife. You know that you will be able to use your past experiences to help others through some of the same situations. No worries!! What is that old saying....let go and let God.
Carrie, I read this yesterday and it really touched me. We've been in a cash crunch lately - just the way it is sometimes - and I've been feeling panicky. But this put it all in perspective:
Proverbs 30:8-9: Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the LORD ?' Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.
I thought, OK, I'm not going to steal... but when I let money worries sabotage my mood, I'm not honoring God. That put a whole new spin on it. If I worry about it, I'm not trusting Him, I'm not honoring Him, and I'm not pointing others to Him.
And remember, NONE of us are "qualified" to serve God, but He allows us and asks us to anyway. All that He's done for us makes us qualified. As long as you remember that, and remember that you're there only because He put you there, everything else will fall into place. You'll be great. And He is always great :-).
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