A New Normal

Well, here I sit...alone...in the quiet...

Do you know how many times I have longed for this? But today, it's not something I am loving. In fact, I have been dreading it.

Today is the day that I sent my baby girl off to kindergarten. All day.

I sit here with plenty to do as we are moving in two weeks but I just feel the need to write, to think and listen to Chris Tomlin.

I feel this heartbreak like I felt when I left Cali when I went back to work when she was a baby. It's hard to describe although I think most moms understand it. It's about letting go. It's hard and it hurts. We have to do this all through their lives with graduation and marriage but we have to let go no matter what pain we feel.

I woke up this morning with a song in my head. Find Your Wings...so let my love give you roots and help you find your wings. I also kept going back to Ephesians 6:4 and Proverbs 22:6 which tells us to train our kids up in the instruction of the Lord. Teach them God's ways.

In our counseling training, we had a whole section on parenting...maybe even two! We were taught that our relationships with our children are temporary unlike our relationships with our spouses which are permanent. We are to let go of our children when they become adults but our spouse is with us forever. We marry our spouse saying, "til death do us part." Our children are a gift from God and his plan is for us to raise them up and send them out so they can find their own spouse. God's plan is good.

But it sure doesn't make it any easier to let go.

I had several verses come over me to comfort me today as I was "grieving".

1 Corinthians 10:13 (New Living Translation)
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

I thought, I am not the first mom who has ever had to let go of her baby. I am not the first mom who has ever had to send her baby to kindergarten and I won't be the last. God will get her through this and he will get me through this!

Philippians 4:6-7 (New Living Translation)
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

I don't know if I was more worried about her missing me or me missing her but I knew one way or another that we had to get through it. We prayed for God to give Chrissy boldness and courage and to overcome her shyness. I pray that she loves school!

James 1:2-4 (New International Version)
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

You know it's almost shameful for me to call this a trial but to me it is. I haven't been through an illness or a loss that I consider a real trial like some of my friends have but this has been tough for me. I have really had to turn this over to God and trust that all is going to be okay. I have peace and although today I am a little sad because I am missing my little sidekick, I will get through this. But it's not on my own. It's because I have great friends and family who are lifting me up in prayer and she is surrounded by Godly teachers and staff at her school.

This is going to be an adjustment for me but I will get through it. I will find a new normal.